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Protests Staged Across The Country As Leaked Report Indicates Supreme Court Set To Overturn Roe v. Wade

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In today’s episode of Y’all’s Ex-President Just Be Out Here Saying Sh**, Don’t He? Donald Trump, America’s former commander-in-lies-and-losses, is bigly mad New York Attorney General Letitia James because he’s a big, rust-colored septuagenarian baby. This time, Trumpty-Dumpty is throwing a tantrum because he lost a motion Tuesday seeking to get a New York court to stop fining him $10,000 a day for refusing to hand over subpoenaed document related to an ongoing investigation into his alleged fraudulent business dealings.

“After handing over millions of pages of documents, perhaps more than any person or entity has ever given before, there is nothing that can be done to satisfy the racist Attorney General of New York State, failed Gubernatorial candidate Letitia James, or the New York State Courts which are biased, unyielding, and totally unfair,” Trump wrote in an email sent to media outlets, according to Raw Story.

Trump has a way of packing as many insults into a single sentence as possible, even if it makes said sentence structurally unreadable. Also, it’s weird that he’s calling New York’s first Black attorney general “racist” without even bothering to explain how she’s racist. I mean, James doesn’t have a racist bone in her body. Some of her best friends are tangelo-colored. She doesn’t care if you’re Black, white, green or orange—so stop playing the race card, jeez. (But seriously, this is basically just the white nationalist calling the kettle Blacky.)

“With rampant and record-setting crime, a 42.8% increase over last year was just announced, and every other unimaginable problem, no wonder everyone is leaving the State, including businesses left and right,” Trump continued. (This man writes exactly how he talks and that is not a good thing.)

“This is a continuation of the greatest Witch Hunt in history, and it should not be allowed to continue,” Trump whined. “It is a politically driven Scam the likes of which has never been seen before. If I wasn’t leading in every poll by substantial numbers, this persecution would have long ago ended. The good news is, I have done nothing wrong!”

Who knows what poll numbers Trump’s talking about considering the fact that he’s not currently running for any political office (or why he capitalized “scam”), but he sure is being dramatic, isn’t he? I mean, even if the investigation is a “politically driven Scam,” it wouldn’t be even close to the biggest America has ever seen. Trump tying up lower courts, applet courts and supreme courts for months with baseless claims that widespread voter fraud cost him the 2020 election was a far greater scam than James’ probe into his business could ever be.

In fact, Trump’s entire presidency has a better claim as America’s greatest political scam. Trump is out here whining about court fines that would cease if he’d just follow court orders.

Cry me an orange Kool-Aid-flavored river, Trump.