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A Myrtle Beach stripper is about a lap dance away from catching an assault charge after one patron told her she was too much of a cow to be on the pole.

Via The Smoking Gun:

Kyle Yeomans, 23, told cops that he was at Derriere’s Gentlemen’s Club in Myrtle Beach early Sunday when the 1:45 AM attack occurred

Yeomans recalled that the stripper was “annoying him and that she kept trying to talk to him and he was tired of it,” investigators noted. Yeomans, pictured at right, told cops that he was drunk at the time, and rated his level of intoxication “an 11 out of 10.”

In response to being annoyed, Yeomans “told the dancer that she should go to the gym and lose weight.” The stripper, Yeomans said, was a white female with long black hair. He estimated that she weighed between 115-120 pounds, and was no more than 25 years old.

Yeomans also reported that his attacker had “a muffin top.”

After receiving Yeomans’s unsolicited fitness advice, the stripper allegedly “reached off the stage and struck him 4 times in the face,” police noted. Yeomans said he was then dragged out of Derriere’s by bouncers who were “unnecessarily rough with him.”

Yeomans, who waited about 17 hours to report the incident, had injuries on his face “consistent with his statement of being struck,” cops reported. Yeomans said that the injuries were caused by the stripper who “was hitting him while wearing a ring.”

Yep, you know that left an impression. Click here to see the official police report.

Photo: WENN