The 15 Best Chris Rock Jokes About Marriage, & Divorce

If you’ve watched Chris Rock’s stand up (or even an interview) then you know that love, marriage, and divorce are big topics.

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In hindsight, maybe he’s been ragging on relationships all this time to vent about his marriage.

Now that he’s divorcing wife Malaak Compton-Rock, transitioning back into the single life doesn’t have to be a bad thing, he can turn this new chapter into content. Laughter is the best medicine, after all.

Hit the gallery for Rock’s Top 15 jokes about love, marriage, and divorce.

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“Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain’t gonna be at the perfect time. You’re married, they’re single…you’re Jewish, they’re Palestinian. You’re a Mexican, they’re a raccoon. You’re a Black woman, he’s a Black man.”

“We can’t have gay married because marriage is sacred? Marriage is sacred, it’s sacred. No, it’s not, not in America, not in a country that watches Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? and The Bachelor and The Bachelorette and Who Wants to Marry a Midget. Get the f*ck outta here. Sh*t, Michael Jackson got married, how f*cking sacred is that sh*t?”

“Wives are like Supreme Court justices, they do whatever the f*ck they want.”

“You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere.”

“You gotta look at OJ’s situation. He’s paying $25,000 a month in alimony, got another man driving around in his car and f*cking his wife in a house he’s still paying the mortgage on. Now I’m not saying he should have killed her… but I understand.”

“Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Because it’s hard to keep up the lie.”

“Whenever I go out with other married couples I like to bring along a single crackhead, just to spice things up”.

“In order for the relationship to work both people have to have the same focus, and what’s that focus? That focus is all about HER.”

“If you haven’t contemplated murder, you ain’t been in love.”

“Only married people can understand how you can be  miserable and happy at the same time.”

“Every man got a choice to make: commitment, or new p*ssy? Commitment’ll give you a headache every now and then. New p*ssy always clears your mind.”

“All good relationships are boring, all the exciting relationships are bad ones. You never know what’s gonna happen tomorrow, when you’re in a bad relationship.”

“You can never make a woman happy, it’s impossible. I’ve never met a happy woman in my life. They’re always complaining about something. You can f*ck a woman with a diamond d*ck and make her come ten times, and she’ll still complain. ‘Why did you make me come so hard? This diamond d*ck is cloudy, why didn’t you go to Tiffany’s? You’re so f*cking cheap.’”

Photo: WENN