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Rihanna held nothing back during her sit-down interview for Oprah’s Next Chapter. The singer opened up to Oprah Winfrey about the night in 2009, when then boyfriend, Chris Brown, beat her following a Grammy party. Over the years, Rih Rih has talked about the brutal assault, but while speaking to Oprah tears began to well up in her eyes as she recounted the altercation. “It was embarrassing,” she said. “It was humiliating. I lost my best friend.”

The aftermath turned the 24-year-old into a media spectacle, which caused her to rebel. “I was resentful. I held a grudge. I was dark.” 

Although she touts herself as a  “bad a–,” during the interview, she admitted to being fearful of  her own notoriety. “I’m super duper scared of the pedestal that comes with fame,” she said.

Since her split from Brown, Rihanna’s has reunited with the Virginia native, adding him to her “Birthday Cake” remix, a move which was heavily criticized. “I reached out to him about doing ‘Birthday Cake’ because that’s the only person that really–it made sense to do the record,” she told broadcaster, Ryan Seacrest. “Just as a musician despite everything else that was going to be the person. You know I thought about rappers, and I’ve done that so many times, and the hottest R&B artist out right now is Chris Brown.”

The duo has not been spotted together, but are rumored to have partied together on more than one occasion, which is no longer illegal, since a judge eased the protective order placed against Brown.

Oprah’s Next Chapter airs Sunday, August 19 at 9 p.m. EST.

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Photo: OWN