Some rappers just struggle to make words rhyme, while others are more adept at putting down 16s with the use of descriptive wordplay. The “He sounds like Ghostface” shade aside, Action Bronson is one of the most entertaining MCs out when it comes to putting together cleverly conceived similes and metaphors.
In an era when lyrics seem to be on the decline, Bam Bam is one of the artists still pushing storytelling skills to the forefront with the grace of an eccentric author. But, sometimes, when the portly rhyme slinger is describing his own physical attributes, his comparisons are so far off they are entertainingly on point.
Bronsolini’s hilariously off base analogies range from likening himself to people who aren’t his race, to comparing himself to someone who isn’t technically human.
In honor of the Flushing, Queens rapper’s recently announced Mr. Wonderful album, we’ve compiled a list of Bron Bron’s most creatively off lyrical self-comparisons…
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Photo: Instagram
Photo: YouTube
Rick Pitino
“NaNa” w/ Chance The Rapper (Acid Rap)
“With my hair slicked back I look like Rick Pitino, letting trees blow/ I’m from the East Coast.”
Photo: Instagram
Sinbad
“The Don’s Cheek” (Blue Chips 2)
“Roll up looking like Sinbad with the earring/Light skin sucking my p*nis while I’m steering.”
Jesus Christ
“Through The Eyes of a G” featuring Ab-Soul (Blue Chips 2)
“Multi-color money, seven different kinds of cheeses/My silhouette resembles Jesus in all seasons.”
Photo: YouTube
John F. Kennedy
“Steve Wynn” (Blue Chips)
“Facially I’m like a young John Kennedy/More obscenity, EBT in Genovese.”
Photo: Instragram
Arnold Swarzinegger
“NaNa w/ Chance The Rapper (Acid Rap)
“I got a team of hoes like Pat Summit/ I look like Arnold Swarzinegger in the black hummer.”
David Justice
“Practice” (Blue Chips 2)
“When I play the guitar I’m always on acid or/She said I look like David Justice when she seen me floating in the Maxima.”
Photo: YouTube
Tom Selleck
“5 Minute Beats 1 Take Raps” (Blue Chips)
“F#ck rap, I was class with my bus pass/Early ‘90s Tom Selleck with the mustache”
Photo: Wikimedia Commons
Asian
“Live Blasphemous” w/ Joey Fatts (Chipper Jones)
“Looking Asian in the Lexus/Double gold crest on the chest sh#t.”
Egyptian
“850 Music” w/ Retch (Polo Sporting Goods)
“I swear to God I look Egyptian in the jeep/ With a three-year conviction in the seat.”
