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Who thought it’d be a brilliant idea to have Rick Ross as a guest columnist on any professional publication? We have no idea. But his first-ever “Ask A Boss” write-up lends example as to why the idea might not have been all that well thought-out.

Rick Ross’ inaugural entry on Rolling Stone, which is—at best—cheaply entertaining, contains a slew of responses to readers’ burning questions.

The Maybach Music head honcho offered “advice” on a number of topics including dating, schoolwork (where he deems it OK to copy/use someone else’s literature), how to “bond” with parental units and more. He even emphasized to one cannabis enthusiast how important weed is to him, stating it would be “suicidal” if someone complained about his substance abuse.

As per Rolling Stone:

I’ve been dating an amazingly hot girl for the past few months. The only problem is, she has crazy-expensive taste. I once overheard her talking to her girlfriends about how I don’t buy her enough stuff – and that was, like, two weeks after I dropped $300 on a Tiffany bracelet! How do I keep her happy without going broke? —Chris, Chicago

Depends on how much she’s really worth to you, Chris. Is she quenching your desires? If she is, just tell her, “Hey, girl, I’m working at the car wash right now, so I can’t spend all that money. What I can do is spend these special moments with you.” Some bullshit like that.

I’m 23, but I live at home with my dad. Usually it’s all good: The rent is free, and he’s a cool guy. But sometimes he’s a little too cool – the past few times I’ve been hanging out with my friends, my dad keeps barging in and asking if we want to smoke some weed with him. How can I tell him nicely to stop embarrassing me like this? —Phil, Santa Monica

I think you should reconsider. You get to sit around and play video games and sh*t, and your dad actually smokes weed with you and your homeys? Your situation is pretty unique. Take advantage of that bond time, man. I definitely would have smoked with my father if I could have. I say have an open-door policy. Come on in, Dad!

My English teacher assigned us a paper on The Great Gatsby. I never did the reading – but my older brother got an A on a Great Gatsby paper at another school a few years ago. There’s no way I could get caught. Should I just hand in his paper? —Freddie, Toronto

Look over your left shoulder and your right shoulder. Why not? We’ve all heard the Great Gatsby story thousands of times. Hand in that paper, make your teacher proud and spend that time on something else.

My girlfriend wants me to stop smoking weed. Help me out here, Rozay. Should I break up with her . . . or break up with her? —Joe, Denver

Uh, yeah, you definitely gotta break up with her. No girl has ever told me I smoke too much. They know that would be suicidal.

In short, Ross thinks plagiarism is cool and sorta makes light of suicide, amongst other things. But at least he has the millions and all the women a man could want at his disposal, right? Chime in at the bottom and let us know what you think.

Photo: WENN