The religion you choose (or don’t choose) is on you. That doesn’t mean the rest of the world won’t laugh at your expense. From Tom Cruise’s affiliation with The Church of Scientology to Michael Jackson and Prince’s time as Jehovah’s Witnesses, nobody’s safe.
It would be wrong to cast shade on someone’s faith for a good joke, but the people have spoken. The following are typically viewed as the 13 most suspect religions. But like ‘Pac said, “Only God judge you.” Unless we get there first, that is.
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Photo: Creflo Dollar Ministries screen capture
photo: WENN
The Church Of Scientology
The recent HBO documentary Going Clear didn’t do much to help the already spooky perception of L. Ron Hubbard’s signature faith. Scientology was allegedly a big part of why Katie Holmes ditched Tom Cruise and (allegedly) why she ran into the awaiting arms of Jamie Foxx.
The Baha’i Faith
Any time you see commercials and brochures of docile people smiling and looking sedated in the promotion of a mysterious religion, you should be cautiously skeptical. It’s like that episode of What’s Happening!! Where Rerun was worshiping a head of lettuce.
Mormonism
If you’re in the hood, it’s rare you’ll see the cats in black and white on bicycles repping The Church of Latter Day Saints. The stuff about special underwear and brothers not being able to enter the kingdom doesn’t really resonate that well.
Jehovah’s Witnesses
Most people are generally turned off by the lack of pagan holidays and door-to-door proselytizing. Get past those, and you’re pretty much dealing with the same issues as every other organized religion.
photo: WENN
Kabbalah
If you see people around Hollywood with thin, red ribbons on their wrists, you’ve encountered this esoteric school of thought that originated in Judaism. It’s repped by the likes of Madonna.
Creativity Movement
If you took the KKK and infused it with some spiritual rhetoric about how the Good Lord wanted to only unite white people, you’d have the Creativity Movement. It retrospect, it’s not different than what the people who founded the United States used with all that manifest destiny talk.
The Five Percent Nation
From Rakim and Wu-Tang Clan to Brand Nubian, some of your favorite MCs have represented the Nation of Gods and Earths. It’s a noble faith, but a lot of folks get sensitive when asked to get refined and leave that pork alone. Do the knowledge: The Meaning of the 5%
Heaven’s Gate
Throw on some Nike Cortez kicks, be willing to commit suicide, and you too can go to heaven. Who’s with me?
People’s Temple
The name Jim Jones became infamous after the People’s Temple founder convinced hundreds to drink cyanide-laced Flavor-Aid. Hence the slogan, “Don’t drink the Kool-Aid.”
Nation of Yahweh
Before Shyne was looking Hasidic, The Nation of Yahweh was an OG offshoot Black Hebrew Israelites. They reportedly carry on a non-violent, verbal battle with the United States and believe Israel should be returned to its rightful owners—the Original African Hebrew Israelite Nation. You can imagine how that’s working out.
Nuwaubianism
Dr. Malachi York’s brainchild has been embraced by the likes of MF DOOM, Jay Z, and De La Soul. Much like Five-Percenters, Nuwabianism had early roots in the Nation of Islam, and it has a pretty profound influence on Golden Era Hip-Hop.
The Church of Euthanasia
Any time you see a slogan of, “Save the Planet, Kill Yourself,” it’s best to keep it moving and find another religion.
Prosperity Gospel of Christianity
This isn’t an official sect, but there are plenty of jackleg preachers who believe you should make them rich in the name of the Lord. Creflo Dollar has been known to pass the plate so he can have a new private jet. Yasss, Lawd!
