Paparazzi was all too excited to get a photo of Jay-Z at a basketball game and here comes Diddy like Mr. Me Too getting in the photo. At least if he smiled it would look like the two of them were at the game together. This looks like the photog said, “Smile, Mr. Carter, and to the man behind you, could you either sit back or go grab me a slice of cheesecake?”
This one just happened. Oh, Freeway. This photo speaks volumes. VOLUMES. Everyone is all dressed up ready to announce that Jay-Z is about to own Philly, and here’s Freeway dressed in his gym clothes, posted on the side of the stage looking like he’s about to sell them all magazine subscriptions. Why Philly Freezer, why!
Hov and Ursh came to partayyy! Usher’s all like, “I can’t hear you!” And then behind them is Jermaine Dupri’s tiny little face like, “Yeah! You heard what he said!” This man is a mogul, but in this photo he looks like he’s been reduced to hype man status. Word of advice: When all of your friends are wearing suits, don’t be that guy in the fitted.
Everyone is clearly cheering for Jay here, judging by the thrill on Jay’s face. And here comes John Mayer doing his best Johnny Depp impersonation, hand up like, “Thank you. Thank you. You’re far too kind.” That audience really was far too kind, because everyone could have easily shouted, “Not YOU, Don Juan DeMarco.”
Ay yi yi, Bey. Hov and Jeezy are looking all tough with Jeezy’s glass of champagne, and Mrs. Carter is in the background awkwardly smiling like, “Hey guys! Great party! Good times.” She should’ve just walked up into the picture and grabbed that glass of champagne. It’s meant for her hand anyway.
The moment heard ’round the world. The year was 2009. The MTV Video Music Awards thought they’d have an extra special treat when Jay-Z and Alicia Keys opted to perform “Empire State Of Mind.” In the middle of it all, LIL MAMA decides to join in on the fun. You need an ID to buy a lottery ticket, but Lil Mama can walk on a stage with Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. What gives?
Who knows what everyone is looking at, but the camera clearly wanted to capture the moment of America’s favorite couple looking intrigued. Then somehow LeBron James got into the mix, with his head propped between the Carters like “Hey guys! I’m shocked too!” Wasn’t being in the “Death Of Auto-Tune” video enough for you, Bron Bron?
Finally a pic where Puff looks like he should: as a VIP. Poor Drake, though. He looks like the intern at Bad Boy that was invited to the holiday party and is asking his boss, “Um excuse me, Mr. Combs, sir. Mr. Combs. May I sit on the corner of this chair?” And Puff is like, “Do you know how much money you made me photocopying all of those royalty statements? Have a seat, my man!”
One more of the power team. Diddy’s flashing about three racks, Jay has a bottle of Ace of Spades. Nelly and Jermaine Dupri are looking to get the hell out of the building because all they can flash this evening are their valet stub and a glass of Sutter Home White Zinfandel. Sidebar, that Sutter Home [Editor’s Note: or Boone’s Farm?] must be damn good because JD looks twisted.
Kanye West very rarely looks out of place, but with Jay-Z and Beyoncé looking like Hip-Hop Royalty in their fancy outfits, Yeezy looks like their angry 16-year-old son who “doesn’t believe in suits” yet. The white glasses are what make this matter even worse. No wait, correction. The thick pink strap that’s holding those shades to his head. Real bad. Michael Jackson.
