The future of rap isn’t just about topping charts and making hits, there’s also a struggle section.
It’s not enough to start at the top and end up in struggle, these days you get just as much press for going the opposite route.
Because we here at Hip-Hop Wired keep you up on all the struggle news (we have an entire section dedicated to it), we decided to layout a sure fire plan that will set any aspiring, or mid-level rapper, on the fast-track to a career of bad decisions.
Not that we like to bask in missteps, but with less than two full months left in 2013 –and a new struggle entry every hour— now seems like the perfect time to address this growing trend.
So, if you’re looking to jump head-first into a career-damaging pool of f*ckery, here are a few steps (in no particular order) to push you in the right direction. Consider this the evolution of 9 Signs You Are A Struggle Rapper.
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Photo: OWN
Don’t Pay Your Taxes
For as long as possible, until you’re forced to do jail time at which point you should drop as much new music as you can before nobody cares.
Lash Out At Your Crew
There’s really no better way to showcase your lack of loyalty than by blasting your own crew. Nothing lasts forever, so don’t be shy about abruptly kicking people outta “the clique” (a la Gucci Mane), then tweeting craziness (a la Gucci Mane), followed by apologizing for it (again, a la Gucci Mane).
Record A Struggle Diss
This one stands the test of time. A struggle diss — and/or dance routine if you’re feeling like MC Hammer– will make you the laughing stock of the rap game. And if you’re lucky, a Twitter trending topic might follow.
Over-sell It
Kanye West isn’t the only one who can spew inner confidence. Yeezy’s is warranted, but constantly reminding people that your takeover is in full effect, is a must for the struggle rapper in training.
Also, be sure to inflate your sales expectations so high that your actual sales stats won’t seem that bad.
Get. A . Reality. Show.
If done correctly, signing up for a reality show will put your entire struggle life on display (not just the pre-written “reality” stuff). If you can wear an extra-medium struggle-t embellished with fake diamonds, a jean outfit, or spend as much time shooting “in the studio” –but recording nothing of substance– as possible, your camera time will be doubled.
To complete the cypher, be in a longstanding yet non-committed relationship with an angry woman (preferably your wife), and have a younger side piece.
Open A Food Joint… That Fails
Launching a business venture that’s sure to fail is the epitome of struggle. It also shows that you could care less about your finances, and can be sold on just about anything.
In case you need a more detailed lesson, look to the sensei of this art: Flavor Flav.
Call Miley
Don’t question it. Just do it.
Blame The Record Label
Earlier we mentioned outrageous sales expectations, but where do you go after the album flops? Into attack mode, that’s where. Sticking it to the people that “didn’t promote” your album is the kind of struggle that could get you a biopic.
Study Sosa
Anything Chief Keef does ends in struggle, but his ridiculous antics means lots of media clips he wouldn’t usually get, and more than 800,000 Twitter followers.
You wanna get there too, don’t you?
Cop A Defective Chain
There’s no way that you’ll ever really be taken seriously if an embarrassing moment is trailing behind. Ace Hood tried out this method at the BET Awards recently when the diamonds in his chain fell out.
But he got an interview moment out of it. Everybody wins.
